Saturday, August 06, 2011

Bitter pill

It's been two and a half weeks since a large, 50 lbs. suitcase fell on my back and nearly just as long since I last swam, biked, and ran. My doctor recommends continued rest and that's what I've been doing.

Despite the rest and the pain relieving, anti-inflammation, and muscle relaxing medications the pain not only remains but it has spread to my left hip and buttock.

It also spread to my head. Not my physical head, but my psyche.

I'm frustrated.

I'm bored.

I'm doubtful. Am I only a shadow of who I used to be? Of who I could be? Or God forbid, who I should be?

I'm embarrassed. What endurance athlete worth the salt in his sweat gets benched by a falling suitcase?! It would be more fitting, and I'll even say it would be more noble to have injured my back from falling off a mountain bike trying to make a pass on a steep descent, or during speed drills in a pool, or by slipping on a rock while crossing a stream in an off road triathlon. But to get hurt while in a closet?? Oh the indignation of it all.

I'm restless.

I'm envious of those I see on the roads and park riding their bikes and running the hills. The temperatures are over 100 degrees and nobody is looking good, yet I envy them just the same.

I'm sad and feeling a loss.

"There's more to life than increasing its speed," admonishes Gandhi and he's right. Also correct are those who figured out that growth occurs during rest not during stress. As true as they may be I confess I'm having many thoughts during this extended rest and that is what bothers me the most because I also believe what I wrote two years ago, "trust no thought that comes while sitting still."

Extended rest is a bitter pill to the injured athlete.

Stay tuned...

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Ugh, Brian, I had no idea! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It can be very frustrating to physically not be able to go when you are so used to doing so. You are a shadow of nothing - you are strong, in many capacities, and I have no doubt you will triumph over this obstacle just as you have all the other ones thrown your way. Hang in there, read some good books (hell, *write* a book!), hang out with family or friends who otherwise can't keep up with you, and know there are people rooting for you even if you're not wearing a race number.