Thursday, July 12, 2007

Bush Pardons TriBoomer

Blocking Penalty Complicates Illegal Immigration; Libby

Crawford, Texas -- President Bush today pardoned TriBoomer for the blocking penalty given at the Ironman 70.3 Buffalo Springs Triathlon on June 24. Delivering the order while sitting on the ground next to a wrecked mountain bike the President said, "My order is clearly the will of the peoples. It reverses a serious dejustice and restores the reputation of an outstanding 'merican and triathloner." He added, "The penalty was severely out of line and that's not the TriBoomer I read about on his blogaweb and internets. Have you seen the way he and Greyhound sing 'Oh Canada'? It's like I tell Tony Blair, 'That's some funny sh*t, man.' They crack up me and the twins."

Democrats were quick to denounce President Bush's decision. Presidential hopeful, Senator Hillary Clinton asked, "Why was he [Bush] so quick to let a Texan like TriBoomer off the hook? What does TriBoomer know that we don't? The names of CIA agents? It looks like he got a Scooter Libby deal to me. Congressional hearings are sure to follow."

Senator Barack Obama, appearing on the Oprah show, joined in by saying, "The next thing you know all triathletes will want their penalties overturned. Then after that, what? Illegal immigrants will declare they were in triathlons and blocking other riders in hope of getting a TriBoomer pardon too."

But “not so fast,” says White House spokesman Tony Snow, who today tried to pour cold water on the plans of illegal immigrants hoping to follow in Mr. Libby’s and TriBoomer's footsteps: “Before these folks expect to get TriBoomer's and Scooter’s deal, they should ask themselves, ‘Can I cut a check for $250,000?’”

When asked by a reporter why the President decided to weigh into this controversy when the penalty was given by a race marshall on the scene with no other witnesses other than an angry Triboomer, Mr. Bush said, "The question is, who ought to make that decision? The USAT Race Marshalls or me? And as you know, my position is clear -- I'm a commander guy, The Decider. Clearly those guys at USAT misunderestimated me."

Stay tuned...

Elsewhere, people with no lives have stopped waiting in line for the iPhone and started waiting in line for the new Harry Potter book.

12 comments:

21stCenturyMom said...

That was definitly the Prez issuing the decree. I'd recognize his particular and unique spin on this great language of ours anywhere.

You got robbed but now you are derobbed.

Justice and Liberty for all!

Wendy said...

Clemency is good. But we are still bereft of details leading up to and including in the offence. Be careful, Boomer, or the investigative journalists will pounce on this one!

Shelley said...

You 'mericans always trying to get away with stuff..(shaking head)..:-)

Bigun said...

"I'm in love with Triboomer"...

"when he wins the next triathlon, he'll be getting his HED's, oh yea"...

"I've thrown away my Barack signs, all I think about is Triboomer"...

Not only did you get a well deserved pardon, but the Obama girl is now the Triboomer girl...look out!

TriSaraTops said...

HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHA

Love it! :)

Kewl Nitrox said...

Heh heh heh.. Good one.

What's with the iPHONE anyway? It's a phone that plays music, Nokia had those YEARS ago!

Jane said...

hahahahahaha
It's good to know that Bush is doing something practical.

BJB said...

Too bad I just discovered you now...I was in Maui with TNT! Amazing day...despite the flat coming out of the dog leg on the 1st lap of the bike :(

Next TNT event for me is the Walt Disney Tri in Orlando.

Comm's said...

Unless your me and you pre ordered a copy of the book with a hard 5pm delivery on Saturday.

Lance Notstrong said...

That's awesome :-)

Sam said...

nicely done. If the glove doesn't fit, you must aquit.

Fe-lady said...

I didn't wait in either of those lines you mention-but read other's blogs instead (and post inane material on mine!) :-0